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Bricktown Herald Ed 1
October 22nd 2018, Issue 1 City officials have announced and started their campaign to clean the streets. Through incredible negotiations the mayor hired an eight foot robot that terminates all dust, dirt and trash in any shape or form. When asked about the newest addition to the public service, Mayor Zapdec had the following to say “We are very proud to welcome CleanBot into our ranks. When I saw him doing his job at the Gatorbar, I immediately knew we had to hire him.” CleanBot is also very happy about his new job. When we asked for a statement on his new position he simply said “Clean.” The artificial waste disposal unit is starting to work effective immediately and is expected to make up to 0$ an hour. October 23rd 2018, Issue 2 Redman returns - what now? After being pointed into the right direction the Bricktown Herald investigative journalists followed a hot trail and entered the office in the Gatorbar to find Sora talking to himself. “He has imprisoned us, he USED you.” is what Sora said, hunched over a picture of the successful reptilian-robotic entrepreneur. After starting to laugh maniacally he started sprinting towards the lobby and ran into the Spirit Guardian. After a brief encounter which let the two of them appear as almost centuries old frienemies, S0ra ended the conversation by taunting him with the following: “You can try, but you will fail like every time. This will be no different. Once a failure, always a failure.” ]] Roflgator himself entered the scene and tried to talk S0ra into submission, who refused and started to strangle local police Officer CDman. After getting beaten with weaponized sports equipment he made a run for it and eventually jumped from the second floor without injuries. Outside he once again threatened bar attendant Emery and choked her. Rob offered Sora an ultimatum: “Go to the holding cell or die.” We also got informed that a specialist is about to arrive and that he could help him… or us. Sora eventually agreed and followed, but got sidetracked and ended up in the stoop area when the exorcist finally arrived. After performing the cleansing ritual it seemed like the evil within S0ra vanished, but he went on to break the holy messengers head. The exorcist leaves behind a wife (37) and two children (2, 5). We are all on the run, shit’s fucked. We outta here. October 24th 2018, Issue 3 Redman defeated…? possessed by Redman]] Cultists missionaries were chanting the promise of power in the streets of Bricktown earlier today. A humanoid decapod that goes by the name Shrimp tried defending the beloved Gatorbar when the inquisition reached the establishment by shooting what appears to be an avatar of Redman himself. They had but one demand: “We want the gator!” but Mayor Zapdec valiantly fought to prevent any more collateral damage by talking both factions to fight outside where the hostile already ruined most of the surroundings anyway. and Todd]] Both parties eventually met outside and with the aid of Doomguy and Todd, who set aside their past differences to overcome greater challenges, the fighting could commence. Children and Lolis were screaming as the sound of people having to fight their indoctrinated neighbors, family members and friends engulfed the streets like a tsunami of violence and blood. But then Mayor Zapdec rallied all that remained true to themselves and told Roflgator to shoot his Laser against S0ras body while Todd and Doomguy hold him in place. After a practice run they took to the sewers to end this once and for all. The plan worked perfectly until Redman decided to get rid of S0ras mortal shell and finally showed his true colors (actually it was just red, but I stand by my statement). After Todd weakened him in a fistfight and Doomguy started digging in the intestines of Redman with his chainsaw, Rob once again deathlaser’d Redman while Kyana was performing a magic ritual. With the evil defeated, everyone thanked our beloved mayor for his service to the city and then Todd brutally executed Doomguy in the street. Afterwards Todd agreed to a short interview with us. BH: How would you describe fighting with Doomguy? Todd: “He was kind of an ahole, a real meanie.” BH: If you had the chance to do it all over again, would you change anything? Todd: “No, he’s dead. He went on around killing people all the time.” BH: But you also just killed a person. Does that make you peers? Todd: “His bodycount is way higher than mine, so I wouldn’t say that.” BH: Anything else you want to add? Todd: “I want to thank Mayor Zapdec for his service to the city. I will vote for him in the next election.” EXCLUSIVE: "Mayor zapdec came in and saved me, if it wasn't for him, i would never be able to see my beautiful wife, kyana. i owe him everything." That was what S0ra had to say after the events of tonight. October 26th 2018, Issue 4 Previous record broken - Bricktown without incident for 237 seconds The BTPD happily announced a new record today: Noone was forced into prostitution, got a gun pulled up to their head, beaten with a baseball bat, mortally injured OR died for almost four consecutive minutes. In a press conference law enforcement officials attributed this to increased funding and thus more available by mayor Zapdec. The almost utopian streak ended abruptly when local vigilante Breaker got his ribcage smashed twice with an axe. Even tho he barely survived the attack on his life, he was available for a statement. When asked on his thoughts on why someone would like to see him dead he responded with “....< static noise and inaudible gibberish >!” The usual cocktail of violence, human trafficking and trapping continued afterwards, as is tradition in Bricktown. October 28th 2018, Issue 5 New star on the horizon? Max rising through the ranks After getting a sudden field promotion from janitor to business manager all eyes were on Mute Max this fine evening. Things escalated pretty much instantaneously when our gated communities’ security forces tried peacefully detaining a young woman which goes by the name of Cat. The liquid assets of the bar got scattered multiple times and had to be restocked. The great performance of celebrity musician Vincent RX kept the enthusiasm up for everyone. In fact none of the patrons or employees we asked seemed to be bothered at all. When asked about his new superior on the career ladder, greeter Wooks had nothing negative to say. Co-Owner Jor rated his performance with a thumbs up. Even our mayor Zapdec called Max an outstanding worker with great accomplishments. “He’s doing, like, a great job. He definitely with Mute Max during a night's work at the Golden Gator.]] deserves a raise at the Gator Bar!”. His accountant Caine added: “Mute Max is, hold up hold up let me take a drink first…. Alright here we go: Mute Max is a superb manager and is doing a splendid job for the community and bar itself!”. The sudden rise in social status didn’t go unnoticed with the ladies either. One of the statements we overheard was “I want your bartender. Inside me.” by a single and ready to mingle patron when talking to Roflgator. All we have to ask now is: How long can this streak of flawless victories go on? October 29th 2018, Issue 6 Vigilantes dealt with by accident In a strange turn of events the local mercenary group got dispersed through a freak accident. Everything started when Red Mask and Breaker started to go on their vacation: A cat-hunting trip (no pun intended) in the streets of Bricktown. When they finally found a specimen to poach while jumping from roof to roof, the feline dubbed “CoolCat” fought back. Red Mask tried catching it but got shot in the guts with a high caliber round. When the hyper aggressive cat turned its attention towards Breaker and went in for the kill by sinking its claws into his thigh the veteran panicked, accidentally fired his gun and shot his own knee instead of the intended target. With the threat contained the cat resumed normal behaviour and tried sitting in things, in this case Breaker’s rectum. The combined blood loss of a ferocious colonoscopy and an anti-material round to the knee at least ended his suffering quickly. However, the cat was not done yet. After it enjoyed the still warm surroundings for a bit it mustered up all its strength and pushed the two bodies off the roof where they coincidentally both fell into a dumpster fire. October 30th 2018, Issue 7 Weekly op-ed conspiraganda. Five reasons Darth Vader is definitely a communist! #His lightsabers color is literally just red, no white and blue mixed in between. #We don’t know who is actually under that mask. It could be Stalin for all we know, they have the technology after all. #The USSR were the first to send satellites into space. Maybe they also built the Death Star? #The Empire HATES people who stand up for their freedom like the proud people of Alderaan. #When presented with the choice, the first option was to mind control or ‘reprogram’ them into submission. November 2nd 2018, Issue 8 Weekly Roflgator gladiatorial fight ending in a cheapshot through attendee It was supposed to be the fight of the week: Seasoned Veteran Harly with a 7-2 record against the newcomer Mad Max. Against all odds the challenger to the throne was able to convince two out of three judges of his abilities. Judge Spidey was the only one who voted for Harly while Kibby and Therapybot chose Max as the winner of their hearts. After some debate over who actually got another victory added to their season record and the Robflree accused of rigging the matches, an attendee stomped into the ring and crushed a bottle over the by now exhausted Max’s head. He was rushed to the hospital immediately and diagnosed with multiple broken ribs, bruises, a twisted leg, internal hemorrhage, poisoning and a minor cold. Emergency operation took almost an hour but the new hospital delivered: Max survived and is recovering from the multitude of wounds right now. However the luck ran out for him when he saw the medical bill presented to him, but through a small loan (from S0ra) of a million dollars he was able to pay instantaneously. Sadly, he is now bound to the very person that bashed him in the head in the first place. The only way out would be to take the whole thing to court, but that requires more funding to get a lawyer... November 5th 2018, Issue 9 Animebois break laws from the geneva convention, could get sued in front of international court Even though open hostilities are a daily struggle in Bricktown and most citizens have become accustomed to the violence we have reached a new low today when the Animebois lured an on duty doctor and one of his medical staff into a nearby alleyway only to beat them up. The new hospital, which only opened a couple of days ago, already issued a statement about the vile attack on their personnel: “We don’t care who we are providing assistance for, that’s not our job to decide. Our doctors swore an oath to do no harm, but how are we supposed to do that if our employees are suddenly the victims?” The World Health Organization is currently looking into the case and only provided a short comment on the social media platform Twitter. In a press conference shortly after UN spokesperson Dias Nats stated that the Animebois clearly violated the geneva convention and should be fully held accountable, referencing Article 20 §1 of the 1949 summit: ,,Persons regularly and solely engaged in the operation and administration of civilian hospitals, including the personnel engaged in the search for, removal and transporting of and caring for wounded and sick civilians, the infirm and maternity cases, shall be respected and protected." WHO lawyers are currently looking for ways to actually sue Japan for spawning this plague upon us in front of the International Court of Justice in The Hague, Netherlands. Category:The Bricktown Herald